HOMEWORK

HOMEWORK (n) a chemical, that when given to students, can cause “good things” (not really)

HOMEWORK stands for Hey Overly Many Evils Will Overwork Real Knowledge. Another theory is that HOMEWORK is a special type of WORK (a type of poison) that only works at home. This has proven to be false, though, because many people take HOMEWORK onto a FUNBUS.

HOMEWORK, when combined with TESTS, is so deadly that it can kill any student and the 5 people nearest to them in less than .32 milliseconds. This is why most teachers do not give HOMEWORK and TESTS on the same day-they want slaves, not genocide }:-).

Some teachers like to give huge amounts of HOMEWORK every once in a while, while some like to give huge amounts of HOMEWORK every day. The ideology of these teachers is that their students need to get used to HOMEWORK so that a massive dose’s symptoms can go unnoticed. However, this does not happen in practice because HOMEWORK is not addictive (except to NERDS).
To solve this, a technique was suggested by Noso Bud Teachero, saying that teachers should set up a reward system—students who finish their HOMEWORK should get a lollipop. However, Noso Bud’s sister, Eve Uhl Teachero, proposed a currently more widely used technique, where students who do not finish their HOMEWORK get SCOLDED (a chronic disease), YELDAT, a WHIPPING, or a FORCEDAFTERSCHOOLHOURWITHYOURFAVORITETEACHERHEADDOWNDOINGNOTHING (DETENTION for short), whichever one happens to be on hand at the moment.

HOMEWORK was invented by King George the Freak in 4 BC, the same year Jesus Christ was supposedly born. It is not known whether or not Jesus has anything to do with the creation of HOMEWORK.

When given to somebody, HOMEWORK often causes the student to go through the grieving process:

1. Denial: “I don’t have any HOMEWORK. My teachers are all nice and reasonable people. I CAN’T HAVE ANY HOMEWORK!!!”
2. Anger: “I HATE YOU SCHOOL! YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE ANY STUPID CURLY FRIES!!!”
3. Bargaining: “Please don’t let her notice that I’m only doing the first twenty. PLEASE!!!” (this is the stage when the student nears DEATH)
4. Depression: “Life isn’t worth it anymore. I should end my misery right here and now by jumping out the window.” (at this point the student is now a psycho)
5. Acceptance: “I guess I’ll have to do it sometime, may as well be now.”
6. Procrastination: “Mo-om! Can’t you see I’m doing important stuff?! Facebook is the number one way companies decide whether or not to hire you!”
7. Attention Deficiency: “Oh my gosh! I didn’t know scissors can cut string!

On completion of this process (and perhaps a few more iterations of it) the student finally finishes the HOMEWORK.

The antidote to HOMEWORK is NERD, supposedly because NERDS will finish all your HOMEWORK since they are addicted to HOMEWORK and can’t get enough of it (it’s not hard to see why these people are not very well respected—anybody who’s addicted to something has problems).